Biell's Paradox


It seems that "#include <std/disclaimer.h>" was not enough this time. So, here is the extended disclaimer:
I came up with a really cool paradox. It is really cool and, contrary to popular belief, it was written without any single person in mind, except myself, of course. There are no hidden meanings or hidden agendas in writing it. If it says something bad about anyone, it would be myself. If you think I am arrogant or anything else after reading it, then re-read it because you obviously did not grasp the concept. That is not to say that I cannot be arrogant at times, but this paradox should display a more humble side of myself, rather than the side that most people normally think they see.

I was thinking today, 15 march 1997, whilst on the toilet:

I have, on occasion, thought myself to be a better or equal computer scientist than some other particular person. This thought may be paradoxical in light of the forthcoming argument.

I was looking at this program someone wrote to make his Linux desktop look more like his OS/2 desktop. Just then I thought, "why bother, all you need is a good command-line interface and text editor and you can do wonders." This made me think about how often I take for granted my wonderful command-line interface(bash) and text editor(vile). Then I took upon the most unenviable task of imagining my life without either of these. This thought sent chills up and down my spine. Then I realized that there are people out there who do not use these marvelous tools, they use inferior ones like tcsh and emacs. So, here is the problem:
If this person can accomplish the same task as I, yet in an inferior environment, then wouldn't this person be better than I? Then I took the example yet another step: what if the person used micro$oft products? Surely there can be no worse environment, none more restrictive, none more inferior. If this person can complete the same task as I under such inhuman conditions, then shouldn't they be much better then myself.

This thought was very distressing. I finally took heart in one idea: normally this type of person cannot complete the same task as I. And, if they could, it would take much more time. But, remember, there are exceptions to every rule.

The normal progression of events does not include this behavior. The great UNIX hackers¹ of old had a set of tools which were smaller and worse than the ones of today. There was a time when they were writing ed scripts to globally search for a regular expression and print it, now we use grep for that. They are obviously superior to myself since they can accomplish the same task with inferior tools. But, these people progressed, as new tools were added, like perl, they learned them and make use of them every day. So, these people don't need these tools, but they use them because they are easier and more fun.

Why do I describe this as paradoxical you ask? Because it is outside the normal progression of events. If someone is truly better and wiser than myself, then why would they exist in such a degraded environment. Hurting their own productivity and actually spending more money to do so. It makes me wonder if such a person could actually exist. Just the fact that, in theory, they could exist is perplexing, astonishing, and disturbing.


¹ I use the term hacker as a good thing. To be a UNIX hacker is a good thing. To use a computer with malicious intent is a bad thing.

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Last modified: 25 March 01997
William Totten (totten@pobox.com)

Copyleft: (C) 1997, William Totten